Mama Orca ❤️

Not my writing but I felt it appropriate:

This story has been moving millions around the world. #Tahlequah is every #grieving #mum.

Day 10. The female orcas are now taking turns helping the Mama Orca carry her dead baby across the sea… so the grieving Mama Orca can eat and rest.

This is grief. This is love. This is true, compassionate grief support.

THIS – THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE DONE.

Sadly this is not usually the kind of grief support the brokenhearted receive in our grief illiterate culture.

This is such a heartbreakingly beautiful visual of love and support. The orcas are showing us how it should be done. Step in. Show up. Lead with your heart. Feel your friend’s broken heart. Let it break you open. Carry each other’s burdens. Grief shared is grief divided. Your friend or family member needs you— more than you know. Literally step in, show up, and help carry the weight of grief. It’s too heavy for one person to carry alone.

The female Orcas are literally carrying this mama’s 400 pound dead baby across the ocean WITH her and FOR her. I have never before seen such a beautiful display of solidarity. Of community. Of compassion. Of love. This is how we need to support our grieving, heartbroken friends.

My wish is that every grieving person in the world would feel THIS supported, loved, held— carried.

It pains me to know this kind of support is not the norm for most grieving people.

We need to do better.

We can do better.

We MUST do better.

FULL ARTICLE: http://www.abedformyheart.com/I-will-carry-you/

#grief #loss #abedformyheart #loveneverdies

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Wedding!

So we did it! We got married!

It was a perfect day for us. We had so many amazing people help to ensure it was everything we hoped for and more. Especially our parents, my brother and his fiancé, the bridesmaids and best men and Karen and John. We couldn’t have done it without you guys in particular. There are many others who helped us too though!!

The main thing that we wanted was for Jack to be present for us. We didn’t necessarily want it to be obvious to everyone but just so we knew. We had butterflies all over the place, his name is on our wedding rings, a collection box for our NICU fund and flowers for him. We raised £320 to add to his fund ❤️

It was a beautiful day for us and everyone made it so special. We had been really focusing on the day and it was therapy for us to plan for it and keep busy. It wasn’t just a wedding but a renewal of us, a sign that we made it.

Annoyingly we had a very small amount of drama right at the end and a few people who let us down last minute (and didn’t let us know). Frustratingly these people haven’t apologised and didn’t contact us at all. However, it’s a simple way to handle these things, these people are no longer part of our lives. Nothing can ruin our day and spoil what we have. We are so strong and so very thankful for the vast majority who made it incredible.

Our next route is to keep moving forward and healing. It’s still hard and it’s always going to be at times, but we have each other and so many incredible friends and family around us. We will be ok.

– Allana X

Just a quick reminder

Self improvement is an ongoing thing. Always reaching to be the best version of yourself shouldn’t be a stretch. You deserve to be happy, Free, calm and successful. Remember though that success isn’t measured by what you have or what you’re worth. It’s in happiness and your own sense of well-being.

I choose to move forward in my life. I confront my issues face on and deal with them. It’s not weak to talk about your problems, weakness is burying them. Never having the balls to actually deal with anything is weak. You have to confront things to be able to move forward. It’s not about forgetting it’s about confronting the problem and neutralising it. Not letting it have power over you.

A few things I do when things get too much:

  • Meditate – it’s incredible I encourage everyone to do this
  • Walk – being in nature and getting some peace is always healing
  • Cry – let it out, sometimes you need to release it
  • Talk about it – with a open minded person who is good at providing a healthy perspective. There are lots of helplines and charities you can call.
  • Garden – I find doing jobs like this allow me to think

Lastly, this is something we all need to remember:

– Allana x

Giving Back

It’s been a little while since i promoted this but we are still wanting to raise money to give back to Southampton Hospital and NICU. We will be splitting the money between 2 charities, these are:

Southampton Children’s Hospital Charity – https://schcharity.org.uk/

Holding Little Hands – https://www.facebook.com/HoldingLittleHands/

Both of these charities directly help to save the lives of children and baby’s everyday. They give money to all aspects of child and baby care. This means that the incredible people on the front line can continue to provide the outstanding care that they do. Not only that but it means they can keep giving the kind and respectful end of life care that baby’s  like our Jack received. They are not only medical professionals but they are counsellors and some of the kindest people i have ever met.

Even the smallest amount will add up to something wonderful. Please share and donate if you haven’t already.

https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/jack-tigwell

– Allana x

Mindfulness

I try to live this everyday. By choosing to have a open and positive mindset I am able to grieve fully. I’m not rushing or dragging it out. My head, body and mind are just open to how I need to and do feel. I refuse to be consumed by grief or push it away. Neither are productive or things that I think Jack would want.

So we still haven’t had the post mortem results yet. It’s hard waiting as I want to shut that door of unknown. I know why he died but we need to know why he came early. It’s hard having that unanswered. I know we may not get one but at least I can deal with that once it’s done.

We had a lovely letter from Southampton Hospital thanking us for the donations from Jack’s funeral. In it they also included a pack of forget me nots. I’m not sure why but I have had a real connection with these flowers and see them everywhere. Seeing the packet brought tears to my eyes. Not sad ones but just raw emotion. It was unexpected and really touching.

We still have our JustGiving open but it’s not where I want it to be. I’ll have to start pushing it again. I really hope we can reach £5k by Jack’s 1st birthday in Neverland. That would be so wonderful.

Not long now until the wedding! 3 months and 2 days to go. ❤️

– Allana x