I can

Sometimes it’s so easy to forget how strong I am. How capable and together I am. It’s pretty amazing to hear myself say that. I have so much doubt, so much anxiety most of the time. I find it easy to second guess myself, despite the fact my instincts are usually right. I need to give myself more credit.

I am trying to be less harsh on myself. I think the journey I have been on over the last few years has made me realise how very worthy I am. Going through the loss of Jack, healing and learning to live again. Learning to back myself, finally losing the weight and putting me first has been such a hard yet wonderful process.

Don’t get me wrong, I still do struggle to put me first as much as I should. As an empath I struggle to set boundaries and say no. When I do I often stress think about it later on, guilt wracking me. But I am better than I was. I’ve stopped apologising so much. Stopped saying yes to things and people that don’t deserve it.

I am still taking on more than I should…I’m definitely still working on this one. I think realising your worth is very healing but also disruptive. It’s making me more anxious that others don’t value my mental health more. But being in a better place has helped me to assert myself more, say no and push back. My mental health matters. Having a calm mind and reducing stress is important.

My focus over the next 6 months is to get myself to a good place. To find some peace and calm. Reduce stress and anxiety and let go of things that go against that.

I am determined to get a balance. To get myself in a strong place to keep fighting. We still have a battle ahead of us. Getting that rainbow is not going to be simple. I do believe we will get there, but it’s nowhere near the end yet, just the start of the next chapter.

Allana x

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