Inner peace

So it’s been an age since I updated. Life has gotten in the way yet again.

Our continuing journey of healing is everlasting and one that has its many ups and downs. Sometimes it’s easy to get overwhelmed and I admit that over the past few months I have struggled a lot. The thought that there was something we were missing kept gnawing at me. I was convinced that there must be something fundamentally wrong with me. Clawing for the whys and having the unknowns became too much. I was angry, hating everyone who was pregnant. Butter that they had what I should. Fury whenever anyone was annoyed with their children. Something had to change.

We decided after having exhausted what our wonderful NHS was allowed to do for us, to go private. We contacted an incredible fertility expert Dr Dooley at the Poundbury Fertility Clinic. He’s a very well respected expert in his field, one of the best in fact. After a few weeks wait we travelled to our first appointment. He read though everything, we came equipped with test results, cycle charts and 2 years extensive knowledge of all things ttc. He quickly got the ball rolling.

Yes we seemed fine, both in very good health. I felt flooded with relief, so often at every nhs appointment my weight would be paraded as the reason. Yes, I am overweight but I workout 5x a week and eat healthily, this is reflected on paper…low blood pressure, no diabetes, no thyroid issues and good resting heart rate. Mark, despite having Crohn’s disease is also in perfect health. Boxes ticked moving on.

I explained that we had been trying to not put pressure on it, almost given up trying. He said you must never do that. Again relief. How many stories has well meaning people told me about people getting pregnant after giving up?! Countless. He said it’s simple, sperm needs to meet the egg. If they aren’t in the right place at the right time that won’t happen. No tricks, no de stress, no magic pills (just folic acid), no standing on your head, just science.

First things first. Check my egg reserves, my progesterone levels and my tubes for blockages. 1 month later and here we are, I have fine egg reserves for my age, no blockages and I do ovulate but very early. The whys, the it’s me, the there’s something wrong with me thoughts have gone. Things are happening and we will get there. I know that now. It just may take a bit longer than we hoped.

My peace of mind has been further improved by some small changes I have made:

  • Removing the Facebook app from my phone so I’m no longer bombarded with baby news and other stressors
  • Yoga and Pilates for some good toning and self care sessions
  • Meditation for anxiety and stress, again taking time for me
  • Swimming and boxing for extra cardio
  • Continuing with reducing sugar and processed foods
  • Eating good quality meat and dairy and not cheap products – leaner cuts mostly
  • Getting a good balance of healthy fats and carbohydrates
  • Loving my figure and nourishing my body correctly, not being so damn hard on myself

Try some of these yourself or make your own goals. Remember it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Goals can be fluid and changed. Don’t set rules, set life goals and milestones. Above all be mindful and be kind. Life is far too short for conflict and restrictions.

Allana x

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