So it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. It’s been very up and down for us. We had the pm and then I went back to work. It was very hard at first and I did struggle. It’s not that I didn’t get support, my work are all amazing, it’s that I’m not the same person I was.
This is something that I’ve really noticed. I’m not as easy going as I was. I don’t take nonsense and I cannot listen to trivial things anymore. When I hear people moaning about their kids I want to go crazy. I have no time for tiny things. I can’t be everyone’s agony aunt anymore. I’ve noticed how much people have relied on me for that. I know I’m more blunt with people now, but I think that’s a positive change. What isn’t positive is my anger and my hurt. I have been very strong over the months and it’s ready to protect Mark and myself. However it’s gotten to a point where I’ve pushed back and pushed back and now I find it hard to open up my emotions. This has meant they have exploded out of me every so often. It’s not ok. I’m going back to cbt to try and help me to deal with the ptsd and move forward emotionally. It’s time for me to stop being the mother hen and look after me.
So, this week we are doing the final preparations for our wedding on Saturday. I’m so excited I cannot wait! It’s lovely to have something positive to look forward to. I’m just sad as there’s always someone missing. We bought little suits for him to wear, they are still in the packaging in the nursery. The nursery is half done and filled with bags and gifts for Jack. It’s heartbreaking to walk past that door everyday. I just wish he were here right now. I miss my baby. 💔 he will be involved in the day though.