March is a hard month.

  • Jacks due date on 19th
  • We should get the post mortem back this month
  • Mothers day
  • It’s another month further away from him

Grief is hard. Its not a downward slope but a stormy sea of ups and downs. Some days i am ok, others i almost feel myself, today i feel loss and sadness. As i have said before its ok to just be ok and it is also perfectly ok to be a mess. There is no time limit on how long it takes. One thing i am very grateful for, is how everyone seems to be giving us time. I keep panicking and thinking ill have to go back to normal life too soon and no one is expecting that from us.

Having a wedding to plan for is helping a bit but its just distractions. I keep thinking how i should either still be pregnant or be caring for my newborn right now. It’s hard seeing so many people around me pregnant. I think i have over 6 friends expecting right now and it does hurt. It’s hard to explain how seeing them and hearing about it isn’t what hurts. It’s when people hide it from us or distance from us that hurts.

One thing i will strongly say to all is, if you know someone who has lost someone close, reach out. Don’t ignore them or hide away. We actually had someone purposely leave a friends house early so they didn’t have to see us at the beginning of this, that crushed us both. The vast majority of people we know have been incredible. Even a “how are you?” every now and again. We may not always reply or reply quickly but know that just seeing that message helps. Its been hard to realise that some people just aren’t that close to us as we first thought, but going through this kind of thing does expose who the ones that matter and care are. The wonderful thing is reconnecting with people, we have amazing people in our lives. We see that very clearly now. We love each and every one of you all. Your kindness and love has really touched us.


3 thoughts on “March

  1. Mrs. H says:

    Yes people can be very clumsy. The worst is those that ignore what’s happened to you completely. Puts you in surreal situations. And indeed, just a message thinking about you is often enough. It means they know you’re struggling and they acknowledge your loss. I found that the anticipation of dates was worse than the actual date itself. Wish you strength for the days to come.


    • allanakimberly says:

      You are so right. They don’t get that we want to remember them. They existed and our fear is them being forgotten. I’ve heard some awful stories from other angel parents of them being told that get over it. You never get over losing a child.
      Sending you the same ❤️❤️


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